September 17, 2008


“Help!! It’s coming after me! Help!!” I cry, but in vain. There is no one there to save me or help me. I look to heaven and cry for help, but I don’t have faith to sustain it. I run helpless falling into the pit of despair. I look around to see all darkness, feel all darkness and be all darkness


I walked into the world and heard “Sex…wow!! Its life, dude! Its life!!” I opened my eyes and observed. I open my mouth and enunciate,

“From when did sex become so big a craze? From when did people adopt sex as a cult religion? From when did the world begin to talk over sex publicly and implement laws for it? From when did love redefine itself to sex? From when did smiling at another person indicate love? From when did kissing on the cheeks become lip locks with the opposite sex? From when did girls become hot chicks for trade? From when did ‘looking’ at the opposite sex become fascinations and wet dreams? From when did people begin to explore their own bodies intriguing themselves in new realms they think are unseen to many? From when did discovering the other sex become so mesmerizing? From when did the woman behind the veil begin to strip in a movie? From when did, not watching pornography, become socially weird? From when did sex sell as drugs and hotcakes on the street? From when did sex and pornography become the biggest industry in the world? From when??”


Maybe I was not born at that time. Maybe I’m not alive now. Maybe it’s all just an illusion and I’m sill sleeping. Maybe it’s all just a made up fairytale. Maybe I’m blind and deaf to not perceive it. Maybe I am an alien in this world. Sex…hey…I’m hearing that word for the first time. What’s that??....por…no…gra…phy??...that’s something new to me…anyways, dude, listen…I’m a spiritualist.


I walked into the church and heard “Salvation, justification, redemption, ‘Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine’…”. I opened my eyes and observed. I open my mouth and enunciate,

“Why didn’t the church talk about sex? Why was it considered as an unspeakable sin and a taboo? Why were my parents so hesitant to even talk about it? Why was mixing with the opposite sex banned? Why was every person sidetracked and watched continuously? Why wasn’t sex education given at the first place? Why were people reluctant to disciple and help them over these issues? Why are 90% of the youth stuck in the problem of sex? Why are so many youth addicted to pornography? Why is the internet and the television used for things other than its purpose? Why in spite of all this, they still claim their innocence? Why is the mask so prominent? Why??”


Maybe the church thought that such kind of a thing can never happen. Maybe they thought that it was all just a fairytale. Maybe they thought that teaching doctrine in church was more important than these. Maybe they thought that these people are still babies. Maybe they thought that knowledge in the scriptures and being present in church is the essence of man. Maybe the church is still under the influence of sleep…Wake up!! The night is far spent, O you church, awake to a dark morning!!...Sex…and church??...a white blasphemy…hey you listen, we are all spiritualists.


How would a spiritualist know such things? True, he is innocent, unblemished by this world. He is a man just born into this world who abides by the scriptures, page in and page out. He is lives an exemplary lifestyle. Hey but that’s with a spiritualist…not me.


Yeah, I’m too one of them, but just that I one day I thought I’m missing something special. I walked into the world and what a welcome! They brought me into the banqueting house as I discovered my lusts on something as sweet as wine. While the moon arrayed itself in beauty, I arrayed myself in robes of pleasure. I danced and had merry, till I was overtaken with ‘wine’. Then suddenly as I feasted, everything began to disappear. I awoke from my pleasures and looked behind to see the feast disappear leaving behind it shadow of filth and rottenness. As sunlight shone through the dark room, I saw my ‘wine’ bottle lying under my legs. I picked it up to see a label imprinted on it, ‘POISON’. I knew I had been doomed. As the day turned to another night, I found myself still stuck in this place. Suddenly the room lit up, music began and the huge banqueting table reappeared. I ran towards it as history mirrored itself to this another day. I ran and asked the gatekeeper, if this was heaven or hell. He said, “He that comes here never goes back again. If you define heaven as this glorious place, well, then THIS IS HEAVEN. Welcome to ‘Hotel California’! Welcome to the city of sex!”


I touched, I felt, I liked and I enjoyed it. It seemed as if no one else knew about it and I thought I discovered something fascinating. I fantasized it and made it a daily routine. It dripped like honey, sweet to taste. It filled my soul with feelings incomparable and made me desire for more. Till one day I realized that everyone craved for it.


Vexed and famished am I in the city of sex. Look here or look there, everywhere I find pleasures for mine eyes. Pleasures they are, as sweet as wine that satisfies my lust and kills my soul. Vanity of vanities though they be, yet I look at them and embrace them with a kiss. Sold myself to the city of sex in trade of some pleasures, I am a slave under the rod of my master. I run, but the city never seems to end. I hide, but his devils find me out. I cry, but I’m a bond slave till I die.


How painful is it, to live under such a burden and offence! How gruesome is it to suffer under the cruel chains of this wicked master! Through all this my soul is vexed day in and out. My daily battles become struggles for victory. But victory is soon marred by the victories of defeat. It’s so difficult to live a Christian life in this city of sex. With sex all around and even your friends enjoying themselves in the pleasures of sex, I stand on sinking grounds. I hush and giggle with them. But immediately my conscience shouts out loud that I’m a child of God. I shun myself away from the second glance when with them, but indulge merrily the second glance alone. I say no when they offer me porn, but… unscrupulous me! I then say wholesome lies to cover my unwholesome heart. Vexed by my desires and lusts, I give myself up for a little while to enjoy the pleasures of this life. A reckless spiritualist indeed!


A spiritualist undoubtedly I am, walking along in pride. Shouting loud my profession, I walk in white robes of disguise. What need I fear when there is no one to watch over me? God…well, he’s up there! What need I dread if I can run away from my own conscience? If there is something that I know very well in the Bible is that God will forgive me seventy times seven.


You? Fear you? Never!! You don’t even know me. You can’t even step into my shoes. Rather, you would know these things better. Yup, you…you, not me…! Haven’t you walked on the streets of the heaven of pleasures? Come on! Don’t bluff. It’s written on your face. Wasn’t this your experience that I just shouted loud? Kick yourself to your honesty. You are guilty! Your heart would’ve skipped some beats as you read it. See yourself being exposed! You laughed at me when you saw my mask falling off now I laugh at your misery…you hypocrite! You…you are a sex freak! Shun away!! Run away!! Run away from your own conscience. Run away from your guilt. Run away from the darkest side of your life. Run away before anyone sees you. Run away before you are caught in your misery. Run away before your mask falls down. Run, you reckless freak, run!!


It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away, it’s a slow fade when black and white turns to gray, thoughts invade, a choice will be made, a price will be paid, when you give yourself away, people never crumble in a day, it’s a slow fade.

-Casting Crowns”


  1. nice...u are wearing a mask for sure. that is for sure. You have well tackled the aspect of the church not having the concept if sex education. but how do you think you will you be able to improvise and implement this in the church. You saw the response when we spoke about dating in youth meeting. Then how do you think we can touch the topic of sex and it's associates?

  2. church...hmmm...i guess the church magazine is a good forum. I don't see any other way....or AYC camp

  3. Magazine? That does not stand as a chance. It went well so far because we followed the stipulations laid by uncle ATK. Divert from it and that's it, you can bid goodbye to the magazine! Maybe when we grow up and get matured enough to tackle these topics we can bring out these topics in public, then for an even younger age.

  4. baah, I did a search for 'slow fade abk' and i came to this! bwahahahaha!

  5. Ya deven!! :)
    there are much better posts in this blog to read :) catch up with them also... :)


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