December 31, 2007

Walking back through my phases of life

Sitting back at the end of this year, I really find myself in mixed emotions of what has happened to me through this year. Situations in life that made me sit back and take a second thought about myself. Times of learning and times of corrections, times of joy and times of deep sorrow, times of testing and times of failures; all this molded myself to what I am today. I find myself really hard to express myself and am incomplete in front of God.

This year began with studies that completely drained me out. For the first few months, time flew as it were just 8 hours per day. It was a new atmosphere for me for this was the first time I joined a coaching classes for studies. It was something I didn't preferred to do but somehow coped up with it. As time went by God was teaching me all through those months certain lessons through times of testing and troubles to really depend on God.

Earlier this year, God gave me the boldness to testify to the world that the he was indeed the Lord of my life through the water's of baptism. Baptism initially meant to me just a ticket to partake in the Lord's supper in the church. But then as time passed by, God really taught me what exactly does it mean to be baptized into the body of Christ. It meant to live like him. It meant from then on the world would recognize me as a Christian. But I still ask myself this question, "Does the world really see the Christ in me?" I really find myself unworthy to answer this question before God. As times would change and fashions would change I would find myself soon getting accustomed to those activities. But at the same time, I engaged myself a lot in the church activities and hated to miss any church meetings or activities. I would take pride in this that I could regularly attend the church activities and despised others who would find some excuse for being there. But God still loved me and corrected me hard. When I would hear sermons statements such as "coming to church regularly doesn't prove that you are growing as a Christian" really would prick me. He put situations and tests before me that made me come back home and think, "where was I wrong, what have I done wrong?" though I considered myself perfect in whatever I did. But then God put down my pride and made me to be humble before him, accept my failures humbly. It was only after that I could really find myself being used in the ministry. He taught me that the church is not my toy but his masterpiece and it is not I who can do anything for the church but God that does something through you.

God has blessed me with so many spiritual gifts that I could discover this year. Areas in life where I thought I could never be used, God is using me in so many ways. It was this year that I learnt that I could write stuff. It wasn't easy for me in the beginning to write a blog and keep updating it regularly. But God helped me find a purpose in writing too. Internet is such a wide spread media that even a small thing spreads like wildfire. God gave me a vision to reach out to this world through this blog and I could see him help me throughout. In church, he helped me use my talents in the singing ministry. Also he has helped me use my talents in the various children's clubs that have started. I could never find myself lacking anything because when I look back at the things that he has given me, it is a thing so wonderful almost too wonderful to be that God could love me so much.

"Could God really love me so much?" Its very difficult for me to answer this question but find myself surviving each day because of his love through all my unworthiness. When I look at my life and its failures, I find myself ashamed and depressed to think that I am such kind of a person who can give up myself to fulfill momentary pleasures of the flesh. Adolescent problems really troubled me much and I still pray to God daily to help me through these years. Pride in knowing much and being blessed in so many ways than others sometimes would take over myself. My personal life at times wouldn't quite live up to the claim that I made to be a child of God. I would really rebel against my parents and would try to find out all the possible faults in them. It was an age that I at the beginning found it cool in hanging out with my friends but later as time passed by God taught me to define the purpose of everything I did according to his will and use the stuff that he has given me for his glory. It was only then I found a satisfaction in everything God helped me to do and blessed my work. I could see myself really edifying others and being truly used in the church.

Various camps and programs that were held build me up spiritually. Much much more things God has done to me and I remember his faithfulness to an unworthy creation of his. I have put before you a quick glimpse of what my life has been this year.. Though I've put things n a hidden and general view, I really find myself able to relate each and every phrase written down here. AS this year goes by, I'd say, "It's the Lord's doing and it is marvelous in my eyes."

December 20, 2007

request to you readers

I am kind of busy now a days and dont get much time to sit and write an article on the computer, that's why I am a bit late than usual in getting them posted. Forgive me for that.

However, I have got a lot of stuff to share with you which I have come across and been learning hope you bear with me.

December 08, 2007

A hectic mixed day

Today was a very mixed day for me. All the possible things that shouldn't have happened happened. It was in the college, my friends and i was sitting in the library preparing my journal for practicals.

The day before I got hold of my mp3 player which was with my sister, when she came home for holidays. So I loaded it with plenty of new songs and was eager to listen to it.

So in the library I thought instead of just wasting time by just writing the journal, I'll listen to the player too along. It was against the library rule to use any gadget from our side in the college. I didn't care and didn't bother because the 'bad' supervisor wasn't there around.
After sometime that fellow turned up and saw me with the mp3 player and confiscated it along with my identity card. I was so shaken and scared at the first place. He wouldn't return it though I begged him a lot. Well as though that scare wasn't enough, he added to the whole incident a fine of Rs.200\- That really bugged me. I wasn't such kind of a person who could escape easily with such fines. Forget telling it to my parents, they would 'kill' me before giving me the cash. Begging to my friends wasn't my cup of tea. Pleading and putting a sad sorry face before people isn't what I am famous for, you would know that better. Well my friends insisted me to stay there longer and keep bugging him, who knows if he could change his mind. But that fellow wasn't in any mood of changing his mind but frightened me further by telling me that he would take me to the principal and increase the fine.

By now it had become time for practicals and that fellow insisted that I go and do my work and come back with the money. About the money, I am almost broke always and do carry money enough for travel and pocket money is something I never get unless if I do some savings here and there. Now by this time that fellow had gone out for some work. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I went and asked the peon to hand it over. He was willing to but the supervisor turned out to be more clever. He locked the draw and went. Then we went searching for him franticly but couldn't find him. But when he came back, I wasn't alone. I bombarded him with the suggestions of my friends who accompanied me to help me out. Finally he put on a very "I'm doing a favor to you" kind of a face and handed it over to me. When he realized that I was broke, he lost hopes of getting money for his evening snack. I think so that is why he handed it over to me.

In class, it became a public talk among my friends. Everyone I met asked me about hat happened. It was kind of embarrassing. Though all that mix up and tension was enough, my friends started bugging me in the class. They started scribbling on my rough book, though it wasn't one sided. After sometime, someone came up with a brilliant idea of throwing water on me. While writing the journal they made sure that they pour some water on my T-shirt. I was helpless without water. My friend reminded of his past incidents of how we poured water on him in school, joined in the cheer team. It was a wet day in class, though they landed with all the possible types of scribbles on their book which was my only hope of offense.

It was indeed a good ending to a bad experience. I enjoyed the day a lot.

December 05, 2007

The value of life

How frail is a human being. How easily does he fall ill and succumb to diseases, fall prey to accidents and mishaps. Life could begin for some today and end today itself. While some people who have so many ambitions and aims in life find themselves unfortunate to die very early, leaving behind wealth and possessions for which they have labored sweat and bread for it.

The other people who are unfortunate to have been born with some kind of an illness or disease or deformation of body, find themselves ruined in life, stuck in a bed or a wheel chair for life. Its very sad to think about the things they miss in life and how unfortunate they are that they cannot live a normal life like many of us.

Recently while I was traveling by train back home from classes, I saw a boy walking on the platform waiting for a train. From far he looked like a normal fellow. But as my train approached closer, I took a closer look at him because there was something different in him. When I saw him, I was completely taken surprised. His face was just mere skeleton. The whole face was burnt and he was left with just a little flesh on his face. He looked so gross.
That time I thanked God for what I am and his grace upon me and for keeping me safe thus far.

Another incident that really grossed me out. The other day my mother had gone down for a walk and she saw a huge crowd gathered at a close by junction. It was a man who had been run over a truck. If that wasn't bad, let me tell you more. That man had been run over by a truck on his head. His head disintegrated into small pieces and his brain squeezed out all over the place. After a while, people couldn't even find traces of his head and blood kept oozing out of his body. People scrambled around and gathered mud to put on his body to stop the bleeding. Then they covered his body and waited for the responsible(police, ambulance) to take over.

The next day we came to know that that man who died was a colleague of my friend's father. That man had a good day at work that day. That evening he was traveling to the school to pick up his two daughters. But who knew that was the last day in his life...

When I look back I just got to say that I am thankful to God for what I am, how he has preserved me thus far. Every step that I take is according to his will and all planned in his sovereign will. The good health that he has given me, for keeping me from harm and illness is all just by his grace and his mercy upon me.

Life is so small and unpredictable, who knows what can happen tomorrow or the very next moment.
Give thanks to God for what he is to you, thats all that we can do and lets live for Christ.