November 25, 2008

my SISTER and I

My sister, this is especially for you. It’s kind of weird to talk to you through a blog post but it makes more sense to me as of now when I think over it. We live together under the same roof and yet when we see each other, we do have something new to say. You have your own thrills in life, the happenings around which you love to share it with others. But then there am I in the midst of your excitement, a difficult-to-smile kind of guy, listening to it patiently. Though I’m not bothered to say anything in the middle, I land up adding in a stern critic that says something like this, “What a pointless waste of time!”

When I look at my comforts, the privileges that I enjoy, wow, they are many. But it’s not the same when I look at you. Why is that so my sister, why? At times, I wonder if I am more special to my parents. Is it because I’m stronger than you, I don’t know? Is it because my masculinity is overpowering your feminism, I don’t know? Is it because, the world will accept me and not you, I don’t know? Is it because we were brought up learning that you are supposed to be confined to the four walls of the house, I don’t know? Is it because our culture taught us that your ultimate purpose was to have and nurture a family, I don’t know?

It’s recently since I started appreciating you. It’s recently since I started respecting you for what you are. I could never talk to you as freely as I’m doing to you nowadays. Maybe it’s because we understand each other better. We argue, we fight over various matters, we try landing into some conclusions, but I love it. We are yet young and the fancies of this world may soon affect us. But I will take all my care to see that you will always be precious to me. You are yet young, not in your maturity, but in your feminism, and you are exploring the world. It’s not that I’ve seen the world, but that I see it from different eyes.

My sister, don’t run behind your feminism because you will never be able to catch up with it. It’s not that being a feminist is wrong. It’s just that you’ve interpreted it wrong. The world taught you feminism is fighting for your rights. You should be treated equally, why shouldn’t you be? Why should demanding for what belongs to you, what you’ve been discriminated from, be wrong? Why should there be separate laws for males and females? I too agree with you that all these are wrong, and you should be treated equally. But as long as you run behind your feminism, the chains of masculinity will always hold you behind.

Fighting for your rights is fine and will work in a society which respects you. But in our society, though they respect you, they respect you otherwise. In our culture, you were always looked upon as someone delicate, full of grace, and a really shy person. But the sudden change in culture with the introduction of feminism turned out to be like an untimely birth of a baby. The baby grew but with deformities. And you, my sister, adopted that baby. The baby signified an alteration of the core principles of our culture. As this change was unexpected, it was rejected.

Maybe one of the best ways to come out of this wretchedness is to respect our culture. Sure, it’s not your comfort zone. But use culture as a tool to overcome male chauvinism. It would be foreign to go out of the bounds of a culture to teach people who are bound in the framework of that culture that they are wrong. But respecting the culture and being a part of it gives you opportunities to express your voice, your desires, your grief; your feminism! But this time, your feminism will mean much more to you than just fighting for your rights. You will achieve satisfaction without leaving anyone disappointed or ego broken.

When I look at you I see the beauty in God’s creation. I thank God for such a beautiful gift. I love the cakes, the ice-creams and all the special stuff that you make. And what do I do in return? Sit and watch T.V.! I love the enthusiasm with which you oft correct me when I go wrong. It does hurt my ego to receive a correction from you, but now, I take it as a challenge to believe in a change from different eyes. I thank you for those days when you stayed up awake late in the night waiting for me so that others aren’t disturbed entertaining me with canes and bitter-gourds in the night. What else…I do have a lot to say, but it’s my love for you that will say the rest. And still you are my bigger sister!


  1. why do u say so....does it make sense

  2. some of it does ..i gues...
    frm wht i understood...ur saying dt ruby's views on things r wrong jst cos they r diff...n dts nt reason enuf to mk it wrong u kno..change always happs n it shud strt at
    nwyz im jst shocked at d way u ve written a whole article on rubs...:))

  3. maybe ruby is not the only person i wrote to...look carefully again. Why should my sister be only ruby...

    Again, u r right when u said that something cannot be told as wrong if they are different from my views.
    Maybe its not my views that I'm trying to prove right. Its just that I'm trying to show the other side of the coin...what I see as a possible solution to the problem...

    And about u being shocked...its not that Ive something against someone, or my sister in specific, its just that I'm trying to look at the whole problem with hoping eyes to believe in a change....hope u are getting my point....

  4. who els r u writing to???
    n i dint mean dt u hv nethin agnst dt...i was jst saying dt...if a change has to has to strt wit changing d mindset of ppl n ofcourse dt has to strt at home...
    also..i was shocked in a good way...i lkd d article..:)

  5. maybe I'm writing to a larger crowd in general. To a group of people who regularly gets discriminated on basis of their gender.
    I don't completely understand their hurt....but if this could help them...I'm happy...


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