31st December 2008:
We had gathered together as a church to refresh ourselves on the year that went by. It was a time to thank God for all his blessings and maybe a time to take a couple of decisions to revamp our lives. For the same purpose, we had a testimony time. Inspired by a couple of testimonies shared, I stood up to share my testimony.
There was one thing that kept inspiring me in my mind, a thought that kept provoking me to think deep, a desire to be of some use to God, a desire to know God’s will in my life, a desire to know his calling and his purpose in my life.
“I deeply desire to know his purpose, because I feel that he has called me for something important. This year I look forward to finding out his purpose in my life.” I sputtered words out in a jiffy with glaring eyes praying that the words become true.
15th February 2009:
I called back to mind those words I said almost 2 months before. It was a Sunday morning. Unprepared for the worship gathering at church, I cuddled in my seat for what was supposed to be a long one hour of worship. Pinching myself away from sleep, I put in an extra effort to hear the others speak.
Still those thoughts kept ringing back in my mind. If I am here to live for myself, why live in the social and moral upbringings of life? Maybe there is a purpose that reaches its hands out to my fellow-brethren to understand their needs, to walk their life, to feel their pain, to wipe a tear from their eyes, to bring a smile in their wrinkled faces. If there is a greater joy in living for others, a greater happiness achieved in helping my fellow-brethren, a higher satisfaction attained in imparting love, it may perhaps be my purpose.
Then someone shared a beautiful meditation from the scriptures,
“Christ had his angels to strengthen him in his time of need. Even through the hard wept tears in the garden of Gethsemane, there were his angels to strengthen him. But on the cross, not even his Father neither his angels nor would anyone console him nor strengthen him. He was left helpless in agony and grief, crying in bitter pain and sorrow with no one there to neither wipe away his tears nor extend a warm hand of love towards him…He hung there just like an orphan!”
The picture of an orphan brought mixed emotions of joy and tears in my heart. Pictures of the countless number of children around me, children who were orphans, homeless, deprived of their childhood by child-labor, begging, and hardships of life, flashed through my mind. Was this my call? Am I called to go and serve these children, to be a friend to them, to help them socially and spiritually?
This thought really inspired me. It felt like as if God was talking to me. He was slowly revealing things he has planned for me in my life. Maybe this could be a part of something greater I am called to do, or maybe this is what God wants me to do. And still on the contrary, this perhaps wouldn’t be what God has really called me for. Only time will reveal, what God has written down in the pages of my life.
But if this is what God has called me for, from today I will start the journey beginning on my knees. I will pray every day as much it is possible in me that God may keep convincing me, equipping me and preparing me for his purpose in my life.